Change-up

Ever since my student teaching experience in the fall of 2010, I've felt an extreme sense of urgency. I just wanted to be in my own classroom. Teaching kids. Putting all this theory into practice. I likened my emotions to those of a horse or his/her jockey at Belmont, at gate, anxious to hit the ground running ("Let me at it!"). Which is similar to the emotions evoked by this situation (for all of you competitive Super Mario Karters like myself)

That feeling of excitement (due to the adrenaline rush), coupled with an overwhelming amount of anxiety due to the unknown. You might have an idea of what the experience will be like (some rolling boulders with smiley faces, or snowmen strategically placed along the track), but there are always surprises (oops, banana peel! or, hello, ink blot obscuring my vision), and you never know what the outcome will be like (unless you're a true Super Mario Kart pro, in which case, we're not worthy!).

This summer at institute gave me a sneak peek as to what having my own classroom would be like (except, of course, I shared it with 4 other individuals), and it got me even more pumped up to find out what grade I'd be teaching, and to have my own classroom to decorate, and my own set of kids to micromanage and worry about (almost) every hour of the day (I obviously did not have a healthy work-life balance mentality back then, oh so long ago). I was fortunate enough to have been hired on the first day of induction (fast. turnaround. ever.), and so all I was waiting on was my actual placement (what grade I would be teaching). I kept my fingers crossed for first grade, until I found out last week that the 1st grade team had long been solidified. Which left me with K or 2 (lower elementary teaching!), which was cool too.

Finally, last Thursday, the long-anticipated email from my principal arrived. My placement for the fall would be *drumroll* a learning specialist! A what?! A learning specialist. This definitely took my by surprised. I'm certified for general education 1-6, and and I had interviewed for a teaching position. I also have absolutely no experience with students with special needs, nor will be formally educated in this area (my TC program is for Curriculum and Teaching, and I don't qualify for a master-certification program through TFA due to my current certification). And here I was, slated to be a learning specialist, which, according to Columbia's office of disability services, entails working with students on an individual basis to help develop strategies that will help them compensate for needs in certain areas. So I would be working with students with special needs...in some context (which, as of now, is unknown to me).

BAH.

So many questions-do I not qualify as a teacher? Why me?! Yes, I'm sure that I'll love the job, I actually work super well in small group settings, and it'll be a good experience for me should I choose to become a classroom teacher at some point. But I'm pretty sure that there are more people that are better qualified than me for this kind of work, and the few learning specialists that I know had classroom experience first. And I was REALLY preparing myself for some hardcore classroom teaching. And what, exactly does my job entail?

So yes, there were definitely some feelings of disappointment and confusion. But, I think I'm good now. I absolutely love the school culture (it helps that they're all about teacher sustainability now; on a side note, we just had a beast of a session yesterday...3 hours...on "The Together Teacher"...AMAZING, Maia H-M. is my hero!), my colleagues are chill, and I'll still be working with kids!

So I've experienced my first banana peel. I slightly veered off-course, but I've recovered and shaken it off. In the words of my now-21-but-then-8-year-old-cousin, "LESSGO!" (let's go)