6 months ago...

Today marks (approximately) my 6 month anniversary with the working world, and more specifically, as a "real" teacher (with a certificate!). When I think back to everything that I've been through, accomplished, and survived, I chuckle and give myself a little pat on the back. Some brief highlights worth noting:

• Learning to function with less than 4 hours of sleep
• ACTUALLY looking forward to my time in Jersey and dreading my return to NY (a reflection of one my lower points in life)
• Contributing to the learning of some very special people in institute (we made the most gains in our entire school!)
• My 5-year plan completely falling apart upon learning of my position as a learning specialist
• Getting a full workout during the first two weeks of school while chasing, carrying, etc. children (most likely crawling, hiding under tables, taking laps around the school)
• Getting kicked, slashed at, cursed at by a 5 year old
• Successfully teaching little people how to count (THIS IS A BIG DEAL!)
• Most recently (i.e. Thursday), getting some major bruises on my shins and knees and a super stretched out sleeve on my cardigan while "escorting" a child to the main office

A quick shout out...

My journey thus far has definitely been quite a roller coaster ride-emotionally, physically, and mentally. Some quick shout-outs here...

I am so grateful for my support system, most notably my family and my boyfriend. They put up with a lot as they listen to me describe work with the most drastic mood changes-

"Ughhhhh. I'm so angry that this kid ruined my sweater...I mean, it wasn't super nice, maybe $25 from Gap, but STILL...."

*2 minutes later after that rant..*

"Ohhh let me show you some pictures of my kids. They're the CUTEST! My job is awesome!"

I wouldn't be surprised if they've started to tune me out at this point (their responses and reactions have definitely gotten more generic-"Cool," "You really like working with little people, huh?")

Learning as a teacher

I would definitely describe my rate of growth as exponential. Between my colleagues and my actual experience in the classroom, I have learned so much in such a short amount of time. The more I think about it, the more grateful I am for having chosen to get into a classroom before (well, as it stands now, it's more while) attending graduate school. I find that I'm the kind of learner that requires first-hand experience and thrives much more when left to fall and make mistakes than the kind that can absorb and apply information attained from lectures, discussions, etc. Though I certainly don't like messing up, I think that this dislike drives me to make sure that I never make the same mistake again.

Patience really is a virtue! Especially with students with disabilities. When I first started, I'd chastise myself for not seeing the progress I wanted in my students. We were working so hard, but it just didn't add up-the input did not result in the expected output. However, I've come to appreciate that children experience the light bulb moment just as adults often do-you might spend many tedious hours talking about the same thing, and to the kids, you might as well be speaking in a foreign language. And then, one, GLORIOUS day, it clicks. And they make the connections. And for that one moment, all that hard, intensive work, is worth it. BEST. FEELING. EVER. (on a recent math assessment, one of my students made 31 points of growth!)

The million dollar question is, what is the cause of this delay? Is it that the material is not developmentally appropriate? Or is it that we're just not appealing to the students' learning styles? Most likely, it's a combination of the two. However, in some situations, I find that one trumps the other in terms of likelihood of being the culprit. Thus, one must truly engage in the craft of teaching, and present information in many different ways (differentiate) to really target the root of the problem.

People often ask me whether or not I like teaching. My answer often varies depending on the day asked. However, when it really comes down to it, I am obsessed with my job-I cannot imagine myself any where else (at least at this point in my life!).

Teaching 101-Staying Fit

Before I started teaching, one of my biggest concerns was fitness. In my "youth" (referring to my elementary to high school days), I was quite active, with sports every day pretty much all year round. In college, while I was definitely not as fit and active as I had been, I still had access to the gym, mandatory PE classes (and one particularly memorable modern dance class, thank you, best-teacher-ever!!), ridiculously cheap zumba classes (shout out to my fellow zumba-ers) and even the park for leisure running. All of these fitness opportunities for my taking-if I was not fit, it was 100% due to my lack of discipline.

As a new teacher, on the other hand, exercise did not seem to be an option, primarily due to the immense work load (and long hours at my school). Despite urges from our COO to maintain a healthy work-life balance and carve out time for personal priorities, having a life outside of work seemed to be an ideal, not reality (and even if I did have time for personal priorities, exercising plummeted quickly in rank). For the first couple of weeks, the extent of my fitness ranged from walking to and from train stations, to chasing little children around the school.

Shortly after I started working, I realized that one way to "stay fit" was to just not eat lunch, which is easy if you're a classroom teacher since you're essentially "on" all day (stay fit is in quotes, since studies have shown that it's actually more detrimental to deprive your body of food, intentional or not). It was unlikely that I would not eat lunch, since food is such a huge part of my life. I was still stuck in a fitness rut.

Fitness tip #1: make time in the day to eat, even if it's just a little snack.

Luckily, our school has one awesome dance teacher, and she offers a weekly zumba class (for free!) for all adults in the school building. Though only 45 minutes a week, it's a real workout (both muscular and cardiovascular), and releases much-needed endorphins on a Monday evening.

Fitness tip #2: make time to work out on a high-stress day. It feels awesome to do something for yourself, and lets you step away from a school mindset (even if only for 45 minutes).

Today, I experienced a new type of workout-strength training by books:

I look like a turtle!

In last week's TFA newsletter blast, there was a post by an organization that had recently received a large donation of books from McGraw Hill. These books were deemed unusable for their purposes, and thus they reached out to TFA. I, being a first year teacher, jumped at this opportunity to get anything that could possibly help my students, and scheduled an appointment to pick out some books today. What I thought would be 7-10 books turned out to be way more than I could have imagined. Because I was the first one to swing by, I had a huge assortment to choose from. In all, I picked up about 25 books for my kiddos. AWESOME. As an added bonus, they had a bunch of big books (essentially enlarged versions of books, on average 2-3 feet x 2-3 feet) for me to take too! Serious win. With a whopping 7 pound backpack, plus a few big books in tow, I made the trek from Brooklyn to Long Island through the rain. I was pleasantly surprised by how out of breath I was when I got to my doorstep. I anticipate some aching muscles tomorrow as well. Free books and a workout? Double win.

To give some perspective, here's a picture of the shell relative to the New York Times.

Fitness tip #3: add some extra books in your bag to get some cardio and strength training.

All that to say, today's events have inspired this post, which will hopefully inspire all you (and me) to find time to squeeze in some fitness in your busy lives.

My nook

Nook noun \ˈnu̇k\

1. chiefly Scottish : a right-angled corner

2. a : an interior angle formed by two meeting walls

b : a secluded or sheltered place or part nook and cranny>c : a small often recessed section of a larger room breakfast nook>

I'd say that all of these components of the definition more or less describe my room at school. It is, in fact, located in a right-angled corner of the kindergarten hallway, and it most certainly consists of an interior angle formed by two meeting walls. I would say that for the most part, it's a secluded or sheltered part of the school (it's shaped such that a good part of the room is not really visible to people outside the room), and at times, I'd describe it as a recessed section of the kindergarten hallway/room.

I spent a couple of solid hours making this described nook as homey as possible, and I'd say at this point, I'm mostly lacking a couple of things hanging from the ceiling to brighten up the room (I'm thinking some lanterns??).

Pretty much the entire length of the room

Double duty

As of yesterday, I have assumed a new title (drumroll please...) Chinese school teacher!! This may come as a surprise, since I've pretty much got my hands full with my normal duties as a special education teacher and a student of special education pedagogy, and my Chinese really isn't all that awesome; am I a fluent speaker? Yes. Do I have experience in the classroom? Yes. Am I a fluent reader? Not so much...but I get by! Do I enunciate "properly/roll my tongue at appropriate times (not the Beijing style! more like, su vs. shu)? Not so much. Do I really distinguish between the second and third tones? Nope! And yet, here I am, a teacher in the field, at none other than my Chinese school alma mater, if you will. Which means that the stakes are higher in more than one way:1) As someone educated in the system, I feel as though I have something to prove to the parents of my students; 2) My mom is apparently an awesome teacher of the advanced class and as the daughter of said awesome teacher, in theory, I should be nothing short of an awesome teacher myself; 3) I'm returning as someone who has gone through some education training, and so the expectation (and why I was hired in the first place) is that I can apply what I've learned in the field to my Chinese training. Which is why, apparently, it's acceptable that I'm a bit lacking in some Chinese skills. To further throw a wrench in my abilities to educate these kiddos, I'm teaching a pinyin class. For those of you don't know, I am a devout ㄅㄆㄇㄈbeliever.

In retrospect, I really put much thought when I first accepted the position (first as an alternate, if the first P2 class exceeded 20 students...which it has). I just thought it'd be cool to teach at a place in which I was familiar, and it was an additional teaching experience that wasn't necessarily tied to special education (plus, there was an added source of salary!). But, as the first day of school (yesterday) drew nearer, I started getting cold feet-circumstances had changed since I first accepted, since I now attend Fordham, my faith in my Chinese skills wavered, and this meant that I wouldn't have Sundays free to go places and really enjoy my free time.

Yet, the first day of school came and went, and although I was co-teaching (acting as an assistance for the first 2 hours, then taking over the last hour), teaching didn't seem all that bad! I'm sure that it'll take me a while to get the hang of things (so many questions still unanswered, such as, just how much English is appropriate? I am teaching a class of students who don't really have a Mandarin background/foundation, after all), but this is the kind of challenge that I thrive on. And as long as I make the lesson plans on Sunday after school, it really only takes me an hour and a half or so to hammer it out (if I'm really focused). As an added bonus, my classroom has a document camera that I have access to! There's a smart board too, but unfortunately, no access to that.

Will this additional experience, as I hope, serve as an opportunity to sharpen my teaching ability, or will it prove to be a frustrating and unwise choice on my part? Dun, dun, duuuun! Only time will tell. ;)

First day of school, 2011-second edition

September 7th, 2011. The mark of another "important" landmark in my life-my first day of school as a graduate student. As I sat in my first class as a graduate student, it felt unlike any other "first days" I've had. For one, I hadn't been stressing the night before about what I'd be wearing (it didn't help that I had gotten home from orientation at 9:30, which, on any other day, is my bedtime). I also didn't feel any sense of urgency. The fact that I hadn't officially received my acceptance letter until 3 hours before my first class probably didn't help matters either. To be frank, this really just increased my frustration with the whole situation (my education at TC has been denied to deal with all of these logistical uh-ohs? Again, had I known, I probably would've made different post-graduation plans). I was late-or so I thought-to my first class because I thought I'd cleverly take the orange line instead because it has less stops, only to find that the train itself moved at half the pace of the red lines. In short, my first day of school as a graduate student was incredibly anticlimactic.

**at this point, my computer ran out of batteries, and I lacked the energy to walk all the way downstairs to get a charger, hence the day-late upload.

I will say, however, that I am excited for my education. Although I really appreciate everything that my undergraduate program provided, I always felt like I was lacking the fundamental content knowledge that would improve my teaching. My struggles at institute this summer were a testament to my severely limited content knowledge (and yet I still passed the teaching exam with flying colors-such high standards...). Obviously, most adult know how to add two digit numbers with regrouping. But I challenge you to try explaining what REALLY happens (what, exactly, does carrying mean?) to a group of second graders, or even other adults, and see how successful you are. And I'm definitely struggling to think of ways to best support my students, and so I'm optimistic that this opportunity will really inform my classroom teaching.

I've made it a priority to consolidate my two classes (a math and a literacy course) into one night, so that I don't have to go to school twice a week, from 7-9, which means that I have two back to back classes every Wednesday, which means that my day starts at 5 AM, and ends at approximately 12 PM (after I've showered, gotten ready for bed and all). I anticipated an unproductive next-day, but was pleasantly surprised by my sustained energy throughout the day. We'll see how long that lasts for.

Still, I've begun to consider living in the city-waking up at dawn, only to be in a windowless room for 9 hours and return home just in time to eat and sleep at late hours, the stresses of a commute (e.g. today we were delayed 30 min., with delays at all 3 transfer points I must take) have been enough to make me second guess my living situation.

In short, along with my general sentiments regarding my placement in this program, my first day of grad school was lackluster. But hopefully, from here on out, it can only get better!

Bumps in the road

Today was by far the most difficult day in the Kindergarten classes (across the board). There were tantrums, trips to the no-sensory room (for the most defiant and unsafe behaviors), trips to the deans' office (though that's not unique to today), and apparently a suspension.

Because we are faced with such dangerous behaviors in conjunction with a whole slew of other inappropriate behavior, we often find that we must pick and choose our battles. As a result, despite the huge emphasize on 100% of scholars on task and sweating the small stuff at our school, students tend to get away with relatively less harmful behaviors that are still highly unacceptable (e.g. not sitting in SLANT position on the rug is okay because a scholar isn't hitting her neighbors). At some point, it's necessary to consider the impact that these little behaviors have on the general classroom culture.

I have my own hypotheses, but I'm curious to hear from you-how do you think not "sweating the small stuff" with certain students because it's not developmentally appropriate affects classroom culture? What strategies might you use to get 100% appropriate behaviors?

A true teacher....

Although I've only been truly "in the field" (i.e. in classrooms) for a week and a half, it feels like school's been in session for months. Some background info: last week consisted of half-days, a period of time when we get to know the students, introduce routines, procedures, etc. The purpose of this week is to get the students accustomed to the school routine, and take small steps that will help them become more successful when the full 9-hour day schedule sets in, and hence, it is dubbed "Small Successes Academy" (cute, eh?).

Throughout the past couple of days, I've started to learn about not only about the life of a school teacher (the distinction between a school teacher and a classroom teacher is that a school teacher is any teacher in the school, whereas a classroom teacher is one that is teaching in the classroom. So intuitive...but not.), but also about the life of a special education teacher (as a literacy specialist, this would be the best way to categorize me, which has its pros and cons. However, that's a reflection/venting session for an entirely different post). Although there's a lot of overlap in the experiences of a school and special education teacher (in fact, special education teachers are under the umbrella of school teachers), for simplicity's sake, I've decided to categorize experiences into these two buckets. For those of you not in education, consider this an educational glimpse (har har...) into the life of a teacher. After all, this is a blog about the life of an elementary school teacher. For those of you in education, feel free to empathize or add on! Disclaimer: these observation-reflections probably only scratch the surface of teachers' lives and may even be non-applicable to some teachers.

School teachers...(at my school anyhow)

• wake up early. The school day starts at 7:15, which means that I wake up at 5 am to take a 5:30 train. This means that it's pitch black when I wake up and leave the house. And nothing is open, including the Dunkin Donuts. The only place that is open is a local breakfast joint called Homefries (I'm determined to try it once I am more functional at 5:20 AM). It's a lonely, lonely walk to the station. Fortunately, the moon and stars keep me company
• ideally know all the names of at least 75% of the scholars in the school
• constantly reinforce aspects that make a "strong classroom community," such as "Mmm...you were just running in the hall. Walk back and try again....Much better-I knew you could do it!", "Check your uniform-tuck that shirt in!". Or my favorite interaction, and quite possibly one of the most frequent-

T: Good morning [insert scholar name]. Reach out for handshake.

S: mumble mumble mumble. Limp hand and looking everywhere except at the teacher

T: Nope. Look at me when you say it. Try again.

*on a side note-yes, still not 100% there, but you absolutely have to celebrate the small successes! Otherwise, you might be in the dumps feeling like you're an inefficient teacher for weeks on end.

S: Tries again. Repeat until gets it right

• pop up everywhere to scholars' surprise and mild displeasure ("I walk by the bathroom just as you're causing a ruckus-what a 'coincidence'")
• can be seamlessly integrated into classroom teaching

Special education teachers...

• are often summoned to relieve the classroom teachers of children that are:

a) crawling on the floor

b) sprawled out on the floor

c) standing on tables

d) hiding under tables

e) all of the above (aka glorified babysitting)

I can't say that any of these were in my job description (not that I really had a job description to begin with...), but it is primarily a result of our Small Success Academy support system, as all non-classroom teachers were oscillating in and out of the classrooms to help make the beginning of the school year as strong as possible; whether or not that actually happened...that's another story. Thus, we often found ourselves hauling out small peoples, some of whom are actually quite large for their age, which brings me to my next point...

• extracting scholars that are making unsafe decisions. Sometimes, this can be civil, with two human beings walking side-by-side. Other times, this can look like a 5 minute chase around the room, or a literal picking up of a child (though for what it's worth, it's a really great arm workout), or a dragging out of a screaming child (or at one point, a scholar laughing maniacally). As a result, there have been some bruises and scratches. Occupational hazard.
• at times, I feel shafted (secondary to classroom teachers)

Still, I'm completely new to the world of special education, so this might all change in a couple of months. On that note, because we're such a small team, and my "supervisor" (special education coordinator) is so swamped with so many things (e.g. there's currently a para crisis), I've had minimal to no direction, and so I'm mostly winging everything. Unfortunately, with my lack of expertise, this is a dangerous situation. Blah.

I've formally been inducted into the teaching world, and yet I still don't necessarily feel like a true teacher. Now to put my finger on the factors that are preventing me from feeling like a true teacher....

The First Day of School (yes, it's only mid-August...)

Tomorrow's the first day of school with our babies (the Kindergarteners; Tuesday for everyone else) and I'm psyched...the time when teaching is no longer just an idea, but reality has come. There were times during the past two weeks when I was a bit down, as everyone was working to prepare their classrooms for tomorrow while I really had no idea what my room should look like (I got as far as having a word wall and some borders, pictures coming soon), and would find myself spending my time outsourcing myself to help others set up (which always provoked a certain yearning to have my own classroom...as cheesy as that is!) or on gchat (thanks to those that entertained me!). To make matters worse, despite having spent a good couple of days in training, I still had no idea as to what my role would entail (aside from working with kids both in and out of the classroom-pushing in vs. pulling out), which produced a whole lot of anxiety in me (I'm definitely more of a planner than a "go-with-the-flow" kind of person when it comes to work). Needless to say, I've experienced quite a bit of frustration (and at least my room is somewhat homey..still looking to invest in lanterns...holler at me if you've got some donations!).

Still, I find myself, the day before the first day of school, as excited as I was 13 years ago (the farthest my memory of the day before the first day of school goes), except now I'm mentally going through my wardrobe to pick out that crucial "first-day-of-school" outfit (by the way, I'm still deciding, so recommendations welcome!). Despite having only been in the field for a mere 2 months, I've already experienced quite a bit of banana peels, but due to my tenacity (for a full 43 minute experience of exemplars and non-exemplars, check out my latest marathon, for a limited time only, since hulu shuffles through these like no other), I remain as motivated as ever, because after all, it's not about us. It's about the kids.

P.S. Here's a clip from The Secretariat that my principal showed us. Brownie points if you can make the connection to my work in education.

Commuter Tales: Commuter Woes

As any commuter can attest to, the trip to work, whether it be a "mere" 30 minutes, or a whopping 1.5 hours (that's what I have), the journey can be a time of reflection ("What are my goals for today?" "I wonder why xyz happened.") or a time of eavesdropping (http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/) or a time of interaction ("You have to be a female to use that ticket?" *cue conversation* ). Whatever the case, in my mere week of traveling, I've found that there are many a story that come from the 3-hours I experience daily on public transportation. Therefore, I've decided to start a series titled "Commuter Tales."

Just for some background info: every morning, I make the 8.2 minute trek (on foot) to the train station. Once I board, it usually takes me 1.6 stops to fall asleep. about 40 minutes later, I transfer to another line, which takes me to Brooklyn, where I proceed to take a Brooklyn bus (whoooaaa. crazy!) for about 10 min. During training, this all happens before 7:30. When school starts (in a week!), this will all happen before 6:30 (which unfortunately means that I'll be waking up before the sun rises, but on the flip side, the walk to the train station blesses me with a breathtaking view of the sunrise!).

Last Monday, I began my first day as a commuter, PUMPED to be starting training at my school (as opposed to the network-wide training at a beautiful-but-not-my-school campus). I woke up pre-alarm, and was feeling good. Day 1 of training. Awesome. High energy. Psyched! But I was tired! A full day of training, starting at 8 (but really, 5:30, when I woke up), really was a foreign concept to my body (I had to fight my body to sit upright...gosh it was tempting to just lay down on a carpet). I was about getting ready to leave to go home when I got a 3-word text from my sister that would really put a damper on my plans to go home, eat a home-cooked meal and pass out. "Trains are down."

Me: What do you mean the trains are down...why?

Her: Apparently there is a hail storm and signals are off, and trains aren't running.

Me: *looks out window* I see kids playing soccer outside, and it's cloudy, sure, but there's no precipitation.

Her: Hailing at Tai ah-yi's, but it's clear skies at home. So, it's whack.

Whack it was. (I actually had no idea how whack it was until I just google searched it)

I went to Penn station, figuring that there are more trains. When I got there, our line had recently been rebooted. Only 20 minutes to go! Though I was super hungry, I passed on the tempting pizza and Auntie Anne's, because how else would I have room to eat some delicious rice + random side dishes? So I settled for a nice jug of sweet tea from Mickey D's. 5 minutes to go, and I'm ready to board, when suddenly the time disappears! APPARENTLY MY TRAIN HAS BEEN CANCELLED. Grr. So I met up with my sister who was chilling at a nearby beer garden until the next train, an hour later, where I proceeded to be antisocial cranky-pants ("I just want to go home. I'm tired."). Day 1 of commuting, and I return home 3 hours after my initial ETA, 1 30 minutes before my self-implemented bedtime. Is this what the life of a commuter is like? Oh gosh, what happens when winter rolls around?! =X

Day 2 of my life as a commuter, and thankfully, the MTA had mostly recovered from the freak hail storm (save a 40 min. complete stop at one point, which I certainly used to maximize my napping time). Training was good, I learned about some neat mathematics pedagogy. Great. Waiting at Jamaica, where I'm holding my required reading (would highly recommend!) for training, when this guy makes eye contact with me and moves as to say "Hello!" At first, I brush it off as a creepster...and then I worry that I actually know him and am being rude by ignoring him. BIG MISTAKE. He inquires about my reading, and upon learning that I'm a teacher, proceeds to ask if he can tell me about this social psychologist whose ideas really should be implemented in the classroom. Thus begins an hour of chatter about random psychologists; importance of empathy; how he thinks my students (special needs) would love it if he came in and spoke to them, because he had a lot of learning disabilities growing up, and just look at how successful he is now!; and at one point, he even felt compelled to show me where he used to live (a white brick house, just next to the train tracks). I stupidly feel obligated to carry on the conversation, and am relieved when my stop comes, and he doesn't get off as well. I figure that I'd probably never see him again.

....except, the next morning, when I arrive at the train station, HE'S THERE. Maybe that was actually his stop and I just never noticed him because I didn't know him, but that skeeved me out a bit. Whatever, I'm only taking that train for a couple more days, and I've decided to use headphones as a "I don't want to talk" cue.

I've taken that experience as a lesson-it can be refreshing, entertaining to talk to other people on the train, but I don't think it's for me. I'd rather not, especially since I often feel obligated to continue conversations, even if I'm uncomfortable.

Change-up

Ever since my student teaching experience in the fall of 2010, I've felt an extreme sense of urgency. I just wanted to be in my own classroom. Teaching kids. Putting all this theory into practice. I likened my emotions to those of a horse or his/her jockey at Belmont, at gate, anxious to hit the ground running ("Let me at it!"). Which is similar to the emotions evoked by this situation (for all of you competitive Super Mario Karters like myself)

That feeling of excitement (due to the adrenaline rush), coupled with an overwhelming amount of anxiety due to the unknown. You might have an idea of what the experience will be like (some rolling boulders with smiley faces, or snowmen strategically placed along the track), but there are always surprises (oops, banana peel! or, hello, ink blot obscuring my vision), and you never know what the outcome will be like (unless you're a true Super Mario Kart pro, in which case, we're not worthy!).

This summer at institute gave me a sneak peek as to what having my own classroom would be like (except, of course, I shared it with 4 other individuals), and it got me even more pumped up to find out what grade I'd be teaching, and to have my own classroom to decorate, and my own set of kids to micromanage and worry about (almost) every hour of the day (I obviously did not have a healthy work-life balance mentality back then, oh so long ago). I was fortunate enough to have been hired on the first day of induction (fast. turnaround. ever.), and so all I was waiting on was my actual placement (what grade I would be teaching). I kept my fingers crossed for first grade, until I found out last week that the 1st grade team had long been solidified. Which left me with K or 2 (lower elementary teaching!), which was cool too.

Finally, last Thursday, the long-anticipated email from my principal arrived. My placement for the fall would be *drumroll* a learning specialist! A what?! A learning specialist. This definitely took my by surprised. I'm certified for general education 1-6, and and I had interviewed for a teaching position. I also have absolutely no experience with students with special needs, nor will be formally educated in this area (my TC program is for Curriculum and Teaching, and I don't qualify for a master-certification program through TFA due to my current certification). And here I was, slated to be a learning specialist, which, according to Columbia's office of disability services, entails working with students on an individual basis to help develop strategies that will help them compensate for needs in certain areas. So I would be working with students with special needs...in some context (which, as of now, is unknown to me).

BAH.

So many questions-do I not qualify as a teacher? Why me?! Yes, I'm sure that I'll love the job, I actually work super well in small group settings, and it'll be a good experience for me should I choose to become a classroom teacher at some point. But I'm pretty sure that there are more people that are better qualified than me for this kind of work, and the few learning specialists that I know had classroom experience first. And I was REALLY preparing myself for some hardcore classroom teaching. And what, exactly does my job entail?

So yes, there were definitely some feelings of disappointment and confusion. But, I think I'm good now. I absolutely love the school culture (it helps that they're all about teacher sustainability now; on a side note, we just had a beast of a session yesterday...3 hours...on "The Together Teacher"...AMAZING, Maia H-M. is my hero!), my colleagues are chill, and I'll still be working with kids!

So I've experienced my first banana peel. I slightly veered off-course, but I've recovered and shaken it off. In the words of my now-21-but-then-8-year-old-cousin, "LESSGO!" (let's go)

Whose house? ....Lighthouse!

So this is a little out of order, but there has been a request that I add "more photos! more action!" Now while I'm not quite sure how I might add more action...I do have photos that document the beginning of my official teaching career.

As you may or may not know, I spent much of the past month at a lovely little place in the Bronx. I worked in a collaborative of 5 individuals, and together, we taught a spunky bunch of rising 3rd graders (going to 3rd grade in the fall). My teammates are still holding down the fort, but I had to leave prematurely, due to my fall teaching placement commitments (more training! whoo!).

But even though I'm not with them, I think about my kids every day. We're a pretty good looking bunch:

...and sometimes pretty silly!!

Wishing the kiddos best of luck on their end-of-institute assessment tomorrow!

A New Chapter

Today was the first day of new staff training at my placement school (where I'll start teaching in exactly 3 weeks!). It was phenomenal. I love the energy. I love the people. I love the facilities (although I realize that my actual school will not be as night). I love the structure. I love the fact that the co-CEOs take the time to get to know us by running the majority of the sessions, despite the fact that they've both got families and probably have places to be, people to see, educational reform to contribute to.

As is the case with any new setting, I came into this new staff training anxious (and it doesn't help that a few of us are living in the basement of a hotel in an abandoned...yet safe part of town). But all of that anxiety was dispelled by how awesome the people are. If only I knew what grade I'll be placed in...it's frustrating to be kept in the dark! THE SUSPENSE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

Still, I don't think I could've asked for a better placement to help me with this transition into the real world. That they really prioritize human capital (i.e. our happiness) doesn't hurt either. Bottom line: I'm excited to be a part of an amazing network of individuals and can't wait to get in the classroom and hit the ground running!

Institute Reflection

The past two and a half weeks have quite possibly been the hardest two and a half weeks that I have experienced in a long time.

During the first week of training, a period of time adeptly christened "Induction," I was excited. Maybe it's because I had low standards going into the experience (a result of the false belief that people that do TFA aren't actually concerned about education..they're just using the two years as a stepping stone for grad school), but I was hugely impressed by the people that I met at induction. I was ready to go close the achievement gap!

Then institue began. I soon learned that waking up at 8:00 AM was a luxury, and that I would probably average about 20 hours awake-2 hours devoted to commuting on a yellow school bus (2 yellow school buses full of teachers, a comical sight), 4 hours with kids (teaching or fulfilling breakfast/lunch duty), 3+ hours of session, and countless hours of lesson planning. As someone who really needs sleep (8 hours), I was miserable. In addition to my reduced sleep, my already compromised emotional stability was exacerbated by the fact that I was not feeling successful in the classroom.

Lesson planning was difficult, and I was having difficulty explaining concepts such as ordering and comparing numbers. At one point, I chalked it up to the fact that these concepts were just things that we took for granted and thus couldn't really break it down to 2nd grade lingo. Yes, I still believe that that's a factor, but I now realize that there was so much more to it.

My execution was atrocious, and it didn't help that I spent the precious 50 min. I had with the students trying to unravel these simple yet complex thought processes running through my mind-"Well to order numbers, first you look to the tens place. Then you order the numbers based on the digits in the ten place. Then you move to the ones place. Then you order the numbers within each set of ten according to the ones place." .....what?

After each unsuccessful lesson, I would breakdown. Sometimes, it was more visible to others; more often than not, it was a mental breakdown during which I would question my place in the teaching profession. After all, I was going into this experience having had more experience than most, and yet seemed to be suffering more than most.

On weekends, I would go visit my boyfriend in New Jersey, and for the two weekends that I visited him, this feeling of dread would come over me each time I departed for training. In fact, the second week, I pushed my departure time from 6 PM to 7 PM to 7:30 PM (I had a meeting at 10, and 7:30 was really cutting it close). It was awful. I was miserable.

But I knew that I wanted to teach. I just hated that I felt like I was constantly failing and resented the fact that I was getting close-to-no sleep. This last week, I was scheduled to teach reading. Which ironically, I feel more comfortable teaching, despite the fact that I am more of a mathematician than a reader. I decided to take my success and happiness into my own hands, and start with a relative blank slate with this new content area. I really utilized resources provided by TFA and google, and got cracking on my lesson plans, well in advance of the draft deadlines. I pushed myself to be in bed by 11 PM, and asleep by 11:30 PM. I played with fire as I pushed back my wake-up time from 5:15 to 5:45 (with a bus loading time at 6:10).

The changes were enormous. Because of my better lesson plans, my lessons made more sense, my CMA (corps member advisor) was able to provide better feedback; because of my increased sleep and prioritizing my sleep and happiness, I was more energetic and more "chill" with my kids; my confidence (also a result of my increased experience in the classroom) shot up, and my behavior management improved ten-fold, and my students were engaged. I felt a "transformational change" within myself and my teaching, if nothing else (i.e. student performance...although that did improve as well, also a result of better daily assessments).

A huge "buzz idea" in TFA is that teacher mindsets. knowledge, and skills ultimately affect student outcome (TAL impact model). This experience proves that there might actually be some validity in the TAL impact model after all.